Author: Melissa Payne

"The attempt to create a life devoid of disappointment is the attempt to avoid the vulnerabilities that make the conversations of life real, moving, and life-like; it is the attempt to avoid our own necessary and merciful heartbreak. To be disappointed is to reassess our self and our inner world, and to be called to … Continue reading Disappointment & Dancing

When I was in high school, one of my volleyball teammates told me my legs looked like "cottage cheese". We were on the bus travelling to an out-of-town volleyball game and I was sitting on the bus seat with my legs in a certain way, pressed against that leathery material where my cellulite was more … Continue reading Magnificent Bodies

“The beauty of self-compassion is that instead of replacing negative feelings with positive ones, new positive emotions are generated by embracing the negative ones. The positive emotions of care and connectedness are felt alongside our painful feelings. When we have compassion for ourselves, sunshine and shadow are both experienced simultaneously. This is important—ensuring that the … Continue reading Compassionate Touch

You do not have to be good.You do not have to walk on your kneesfor a hundred miles through the desert repenting.You only have to let the soft animal of your bodylove what it loves...Mary Oliver I grew up in a subculture, a religious one, that taught me desire was something to be cautious about, … Continue reading To Desire

When I used to train for long distance races, I was always amazed at how much my body could actually endure. My cross country coach, along with the running articles I would read, would always remind me that the endurance game is primarily mental. I believe the ratio is something like 90% mental and 10% … Continue reading Cultivating Endurance

The final day of 2020. I took some time to sit with the events and moments of the last twelve months, and though this year will be an unforgettable one for many reasons, I noticed myself write that this was the "year of resilience". And I do think that’s true. It has been a couple … Continue reading The year of Resilience

When I think about despair I can't help but hear the words of Marilla Cuthbert's from Canada's beloved Anne of Green Gable's, "to despair is to turn your back on God". This has never sat right with me. Frankly, I identified more with Anne. Full of wholehearted emotion and declaration of being in "the depths … Continue reading Despair

Longing is the thirst that never quite feels quenched. It is the salivating for and anticipation of satisfaction and completeness. Longing urges us toward something. It is energy. You can feel it, we all feel it. If we pay attention we can hear its name. This is what the great love stories are made of. Be it … Continue reading Longing

"Too often people try to change their lives by using the will as a kind of hammer to beat their life into proper shape.  The intellect identifies the goal of the program, and the will accordingly forces the life into shape. This way of approaching the sacredness of one's own presence is externalistic and violent. If you work with a … Continue reading Rhythms

Today I turn thirty. It is wild, weird, and very welcomed. I know for some, turning thirty may carry varying emotions and questions and fears. And that’s okay. There is no "right" way to feel when approaching your birthday, or a new decade or a new anything for that matter. But if I am completely honest, I … Continue reading Welcoming my 30’s. Thanking my 20’s.